I am the book “Grace, Food, and Everything in Between” by Aubrey Solbek. She made a connection that was revolutionary to me: “Jesus IS grace. He’s the unmerited, undeserved, unearned forgiveness and favor of God sent down for us.” I have perceived those as gifts He provided through His death on the cross, but never that Jesus himself is the full manifestation of grace. It was a “WOW” moment indeed.
The book’s author shared that, in her early walk with Christ, grace started and stopped at salvation and that she had cleaned up some of her behaviors on the outside. Her heart, however, still struggled with pride – her sins weren’t as bad as other people’s sin – and insecurity – a certain belief that God’s blessings and favor was earned through good deeds. As her faith matured, she came to understand that she hadn’t earned a thing and never would.
“If we hold onto the truth of grace, even when it goes against everything we’ve learned out in the world, and especially when we mess up, then we will experience ultimate freedom in Christ. On the contrary, if we treat grace like a one-time loan Christ made on our lives that has to be paid back, we will remain in bondage to our debt.”
I didn’t grow up attending church. My faith is something I am working to develop as an adult. I don’t have a specific memory of the day I accepted Jesus as my Savior – it just happened. I, like the author in her youth, struggle fully embracing the grace that has been given me. It’s a hard realization. There are areas of my life where I can see attempts at works to gain favor. There are areas of my life where I haven’t embraced forgiveness for sins. My logic mind knows there is nothing I can do to earn the gift of Jesus and nothing I could ever do that was so bad that His death on the cross wouldn’t cover it. My emotions, however, tend to fall back on self and self-condemnation.
It is a bitter pill to say that these feelings exist because I don’t fully trust God. God has done nothing to prove himself unworthy – I simply haven’t let Him have all of me. I have treated grace like a debt, not embraced it as a gift. I have neglected my relationship with Him, relying too much on myself and my own strength. Thankfully Jesus IS grace and is meeting me where I am today to move me, day by day and moment by moment, toward the person He wants me to be. But here’s the rub – I have to choose to allow Him to be the sole captain of my life and to fully trust Him. I haven’t been all that successful with that in the past, but thankfully I can choose a different path from today, forward.
Discovering Grace 